Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Donner...Party Of Six


I have been reading a new book by Bill Buford ( author of the great soccer hooligan book Among the Thugs) called “Heat” about fine cooking and the lives of some of the more flamboyant chefs of the world.

This has got me to thinking about food of course but also which of my friends I would be most likely eat in case of a sudden rise in the popularity of cannibalism (it WILL happen my friends).

I now present my case for and against several of my longtime pals. If you are not on the list, don’t despair, this is only a dinner menu, dessert is still to come.

And now for our choices tonight.


Thor:

Pros: Mormon upbringing makes this familiar territory for our fair haired father of two.

Cons: Broken limbs in motorcycle accident may have caused permanent stress on delicate white meat, especially in breast and thigh areas.

Tony:

Pro: Tends to be well fed and in natural state is usually free range.

Cons: Chorizo, malt vinegar and curry do not mix. Imported meat under far less scrutiny than domestic.

Kaz:

Pros: When properly cooked, meat literally falls off the bones.

Con: Plucking can often take days.

Donnell:

Pros: Once had sex with a bald women.

Cons: Once had sex with a bald women.

Lane:

Pros: Bathes with clam chowder.

Cons: Long-term effects of intercourse with plastic sheep is still under investigation.

Mark:

Pros: Tastes like chicken.

Cons: Nicknamed Pooter. Has expressed recent concern with his uncontrollable fecal delivery system.



I haven’t yet made my choice. It is possible, of course, that I shall choose none of the above and instead indulge in the tasty, white meat of my own succulent flesh.