Thursday, May 08, 2008

Human Cockfighting






I spent another night shooting what is called mixed martial arts or ultimate fighting. It's pretty much just two guys beating the shit out of each other while people in the audience yell things like "Break his leg".

I had difficulty shooting tonight because the area set aside for photographers was set back from the edge of the ring making it hard to get an angle without bending my body like a Russian circus freak. There were people sitting behind the photographers and at one point the promoter tapped me on the shoulder and told me that I was too tall and paying customers couldn't see the fight.

I managed to find a chair and shoot from an even more uncomfortable position. Luckily for me the local fighters all had quick bouts and I was able to get out earlier than I expected.

I guess next time the paper will have to send a midget to the fights. Meanwhile I'll be looking into the possibility of having myself declared a "State Sanctioned Mutant with A Vertical Disorder" so that I can force the promoters to build me a special platform to shoot from. The platform would have to included a lounge chair, fresh supply of ice water and a case of Slim Jims.

My people can not be stopped.